id be glad to
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
