Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
