I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Did I show you my penis last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
