Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
