do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
