if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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