Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
