plz talk dirty to me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
