I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
