Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
