There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
