Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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