You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
