I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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