How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
