he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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