DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
