Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
