She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
