Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
