Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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