I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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