WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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