Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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