You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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