There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
