I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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