It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
