she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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