Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
