whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
