How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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