Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
