cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
