she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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