The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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