Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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