wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
