Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
