i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
