so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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