I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
