Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
