SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
