Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
