im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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