His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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