Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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