Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
birth control should be required to get into college
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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