well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
